Trivial Tuesday- Gotta Lighten Up after Yesterday

Hey Blog Land! Thanks so much everyone for all the positive comments on my blog entries. It is amazing that we never know how our own stories touch other folks and resonate with their experience. I almost had second thoughts as I watched my mom cry as she was reading it. Wow...is all I can say. So for those of you who know me well, I am gonna keep it moving regardless (cues-"Ain't No Stopping Us Now")


Ok, so I am still in my pjs knowing that if I don't get up soon I am going to be late for work. But DAMN, DAMN, DAMN, in my Florida Evans' voice, it is cold as a witches' tit. I think we have really jacked the environment up. One day it is sixty-five and the next is twenty-nine. Are you serious? Good Lawd. It doesn't add to my lack of exercise motivation these days. While I'm a 3rd degree black belt and a marathoner, I have been training for my latest physical feat a Couch Potato triathlon. I just have little motivation. Last night, I attempted (notice the key word here attempted) to do the INSANITY workout. That fool is a damn nut. Shaun T., the said fool, has you coming out the gate high kicking, running suicides, doing this dumb ass move call the Heisman and a bunch of other gut busting moves. I am huffing and puffing and then this bama says "great, you have just finished the warm-up, now let's kick up a notch." GTFOH (that's get the fudge outta here for you non texters).

Thirty minutes in I collapsed on the couch and found myself "watching" INSANITY, instead of engaging in it. The old me would have been disappointed in myself for not finishing-the new me doesn't give a diggity darn. Besides, I wasn't ready to clean my dinner up off the floor from his workout. I am still the Little Engine that Could, so I will be back. But for now I will resume training for my Couch Potato race.


So part of my Couch Potato status requires me to watch really bad tv. My latest obsession for the last couple seasons is The Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA). Where in the hell do I start? One of my sorors said it best when she described it as watching a train wreck. You know it is bad but yet your eyes are still glued to it. I know I should feel ashamedbut I don't. I feel like after a day of cerebral gymnastics we can all stand to lighten up. Below are just a few of my musings on RHOA. Please feel free to add to the list! Have an awesome Tuesday and someone please turn up the damn heat-BRRRRRR


RHOA-Things that make you say HMMM???

1. Kim- Who in the HAYLE told Kim she could sing, her wig looks good, or that she even remotely looks like she is only 31? Riddle me that Batman. I'm not gonna lie I thought Tardy for the Party was cute. But c'mon son, another song. I think she should just settle for being a Vanilla Ice one hit wonder than trying to be an actual singer. Or better yet, maybe she could try GETTING A REAL JOB! My bad it is a rough economy-maybe Gold Digga is considered entrepreneurship these days. Just a thought. But wait..she is a nurse...Right!!!!


2. Phaedra, Phaedra, Phaedra-Ok, now I give her props for being gainfully employed but that is about where the props stop. How you going to have a boughetto ass baby shower where you are rocking rhinestone eyelashes/eyebrows and a bouquet of roses in your hair? That was a hot mess. Then, when folks ask you how far along are you in your pregnancy, all of sudden you go all Rain Man and can't give a straight answer. Then before you deliver your FULL TERM baby, you talking some foolishness about maternal death. WTF??? You ain't foolin a soul Phaedra. As for your delectable eye candy husband Apollo. Honey, he is dumb as a box of rocks and has clearly put you in the "sponsor" category. Oh well, in the words of the late Tupac, "I ain't mad at ya."


3. Cynthia-I have always loved Cynthia's work as a model. But please tell me what is her purpose on this show? She stands around looking all vacant. Half the time I forget she is a cast member. I find her fiancee Peter way more entertaining, especially when he digs in the tails of the other housewives. But that being said, someone please tell me why does her hair always look so JACKED up? Her weaves always look homemade and when she wears it slicked back, it looks like she needs some of that funky brown gel on her kitchen. I mean you are in the ATL- I know that there is a beauty supply store in walking distance.



4. Sheree-Ok, first off I think she is in fabulous shape for a woman her age. She has killer arms and an awesome looking back as far as muscle definition. I applaud for trying to find something to do with herself. However, I am just not too sure if actor, fashion designer, or dancer should be any of the things she tries. Ummm I know noone is going to "check you boo" but you might want to look at a lucrative hustle. And that love doctor she attempted to date-W-O-W. The landing strip in the middle of his head would have been enough for me to cancel his tired behind. And did anyone besides me notice that Sheree all of sudden has a 24 year old daughter who bears a striking resemblance to her "assistant" from the first season? Hmmmm *pinkie next to my lip like Dr. Evil* Just wondering.....


5. Nee Nee-She is perhaps the loudest and most uncouth of all the chicks on RHOA and she is my FAVORITE (I do like Kandi and see her as down to earth but Nee Nee is entertaining) Between her getting her nostrils reshapened to dealing with her deadbeat son who strikingly resembles Biz Markie, Nee Nee keeps it real. The whole drama with her husband is sad but I appreciate the fact that she keeps it moving. I am still dying at the fact that she told the surgeon, "Please don't make my nose look like Dwight's" and straight ghetto style approached Dwight about the money.


I can write a whole blog about THE RHOA and Dwight but I will save that.
So Talk to Me Blog Land- What are your thoughts about RHOA? What is your guilty pleasure outside of tv? or What is the last thing that made you have a gut busting laugh? As always this is boughetto virtual therapy, so your ACTUAL COMMENTS :-) would be appreciated. I have already enjoyed all the feedback I have received. Stay warm and Peace Out.

So Many We Have Lost Along The Way-A Maudlin Post for a Monday

Therapy Session #1 Handling Loss and Living Without Regret

So like I was telling you yesterday, my life over the last year (actually five) has taken some interesting turns. I feel like my 30's have been one big reflection and time of introspection. Lately as a new divorcee (the word sounds so much cooler than it actually is. but I digress), I have been thinking about family and to be honest my own mortality. Those who know me well know that I am the only child of my parent's tumultuous union and grew up that way. My father and I had a rocky relationship that would make Mount Everest look like a mere hill. In fact at the time of his sudden death, we weren't even speaking. Our last interaction played out like a bad episode of the Young and the Restless complete with expletives from both of us and me speeding away on darn near two wheels on a military base. Not one of my finest moments. So for me the sense of connectedness and family have always been two things that I have longed for.


That sense of seeking family led me to join a sorority in college (that and School Daze but I digress yet again) and was also one of the things that I found most appealing about my ex. His family reminded me of the stable nuclear family I had created in my mind that all ate dinner together and played board games on Friday nights. Now, they are actually far from that and have issues of their own. Boy, let me tell you. But it felt nice to be a part of the fold. It is also what I was hoping I was going to create for myself with kids of my own. Needless to say, that hasn't happen for me...yet (hey I try to stay positive).

Most days I am able to ignore the foreboding feelings that my chances of having my own family are slipping by me like sand in an hourglass and try to be thankful for every moment that I am given. But there are days that I am faced with my own mortality and the desire to be rooted is strong. This feeling usually happens with loss. Last year, I lost a dear sorority sister who in fact had been the maid of honor in my wedding. It had been years since we had been close. Despite efforts to maintain the relationship, life's twists and turns took us in different directions. Still, her death was like a body blow. No one ever expects to hear of someone in their thirties passing away.

After her death, I reflected alot about our relationship and the regret I had from not being able to maintain it and not really getting a chance to say goodbye. The death of my soror was different than my father's. I felt that I had done all that I could do to preserve that relationship to no avail. So I was at peace. But had I done all that I could do in the case of my sorority sister? This same question slapped me upside my head yesterday once again. While the only child of my parents, my father had two sons from a previous marriage. My half brothers and I grew up a stone's throw from each other as children but never knew each other until my brother Eddie reached out to me when I was in high school. We tried our best over the years to keep in touch. But again, those life turns took us in separate directions. Eerily enough our last time seeing each other was at the funeral of our father who died in a car accident. It seemed like once our father, who was the branch between us died, the connection faltered and we lost contact. But I often thought of him. So yesterday I typed his name into my computer search engine just curious to see if I could connect to him. I wasn't prepared for what I found. His obituary...At 38 years old, he died tragically in a biking accident in August. There was my name listed among his survivors, his connection to this world. Again, had I done all that I could to stay connected? Had I just taken for granted that our paths would cross again?

Now Blog Land, the rational side of me knows that in the words of Rob Base and Easy Rock "It Takes Two" to make a relationship go right. (Yes, even in my moments of despair I rely on nineties hip hop music to get me through.) But that fragile part of my existence still wonders.
So I pose the question to you Blog Land-How do you deal with loss and make peace? Are some people/relationships in your lives for merely a season? In what ways do you stay connected to those you care about? Do you have some relationships/friendships that have ended without closure?


In the words of Petey Greene, "Talk to Me!" Remember this is boughetto virtual therapy so your input is always appreciated :-)

Let's Try this Blog Thing One More Time

Ok....so my last attempt at blogging resulted in an epic fail. A total of two posts nine months ago. I don't think that would constitute me as an official blogger. So I am going to try this blogging thing one more time. Let me first warn you- this blog will not be for the faint of heart or those easily offended. Also if you are one who is prone to the predilection to cast judgment, this site isn't for you either. Two, if you appear in my blog I will change your name, not necessarily the incident. So, if you are "scurred", don't read this. I think those are the only disclaimers I have for now. I am not sure exactly what direction this blog will take as far as subject matter but I just wanted to put the disclaimer out there. In the next few weeks, I plan to change the aesthetics and possibly the name of the site. So stay tuned.

So let's get to the motivation for me to pick up blogging one more time. This has been a "bipolar" year for me. I have had huge highs and crazy lows that most folks probably wouldn't even believe me if I gave them the blow by blow. Here is the Cliff Notes version-In the course of nine months, I have gotten divorced after eleven years of marriage (five of which were happily), learned of the impending birth of my ex's kid (albeit before the ink on the divorce papers was dry-Not bitter at all. Actually we are still friends which is a blog post for another day) sold my home, bought a new home, worked on what feels like the dissertation from hell and have traveled extensively (Miami, DR, Jamaica all in a matter of months) while still managing to train for a half marathon and another degree black belt as well as excel at my job. Yeah...it has been that kind of year!

So I figured since it is a recession and both money and time limit my ability to seek counseling (just joking- well kinda), blogging will be my virtual therapy. However, this is ghetto theraphy so don't expect any payment for your services. Feel free to join me and give your insight or merely to get a good chuckle from time to time. If nothing else it shall be an interesting ride. So hang on!

Baby Boy Wow!

Ok....So, I am back for entry#2. So this freakin snowstorm has crippled the East Coast. Everything is completely shut down. I have been given the gift of time with my job being closed until next Tuesday. And like most Americans who are given gifts,what have I managed to do up to this point???You got it-Squander it.

The Type A person in me has grandiose plans of coming up with a scheme to change the world, reorganizing my undies, and writing my whole dissertation. However the couch potato in me has had other plans. I've spent my day searching for a cheap flight anywhere HOT and watching ridiculously bad television. Let's talk about that for a second. Yeah what's up with Baby Boy??!!! Ok, I know that I am probably the only black person who has never seen it (news flash-my mama went to see it in the movie theater, gasp) but what in the hell? The Angela Davis Black Power Feminist in me caved today and got sucked in and watched it. Utterly ghetto and raw and I am embarassed to admit it INTRIGUING. I mean I guess we can all admit that we know, are related to, been involved with or have come in contact with a Jody in our lives.

What gets me is that in a slightly codependant way the Jodies of the world are endearing souls. I always get on a dear friend of mine telling her that she is a "social worker by trade, not in her relationship." But there may be something there. Is it that we as black women empathize with the struggles of black men that we put up with "ish" and in some ways encourage some of their negligent behavior? I'm just saying....Before any of the men who may read this jump on the "True Heart must be a male bashing, Oprah watching, raging feminist." Pump your brakes and pull the car over. I LOOOOVE black men. I'm not racist at all and I know love is colorblind but my eyes and heart and soul resonate with my black brothers. But really some of you have got to get it together and we as black women need to stop letting FEAR rule our lives.

You know what I am talking about-The fear that the Good Decent Black Man Supply Store will run out of strong black men or they will be severely on back order or heaven forbid they will start requiring you to share (not even gonna touch that today). Wow, maybe Baby Boy wasn't that bad of a movie. Look at the philosophical rant it birthed? Not....All I am saying is something has to be said for the definition of Insanity-Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

So when are we going to do something different?

My Introduction to Blogsphere

Well, I guess it took two back-to-back blizzards to get me to join blog land. I mean really who pissed off Mother Nature???? I am not sure how successful I will be at keeping up with such a venture or even if I have fully identified the purpose of a blog in my life. Is it my way of being a fake me out Carrie Bradshaw (Sex in the City) where I can muse and ponder issues in the world, or is it a kind of weird open diary of sorts where I invite people into my head? Hmmmmm, not quite sure.

So let's see where do I start? Hmm. I guess with the title of my blog. I "stole" it from the biography of one of my sheroes Zora Neale Hurston. Talking about a forward thinking woman. If you don't know, you need to ask somebody cuz the sistah was bad. She was fearless in a world that didn't quite understand or accept her genius. She lived hard and loved hard and did it all while wearing a bad ass hat and daring someone to say something to her. Zora put her small town of Eatonville on the map by writing stories depicting the lives of everyday blacks-the good bad and ugly while also creating beautiful prose. She had swagger before swagger had been defined.

In essence, isn't that what many of us are looking for? A place of comfort in our own skins where we accept our own genius and beauty and are not apologetic for it. Is there something wrong with being a strong, beautiful black woman who wears her greatness not as a mark of arrogance but as the divine gift that it is from the Creator?

So as I continue to figure out what this blogging thing will mean for me, I will use the legacy of Ms. Zora as inspiration and muse. We shall see.....